Children and Grief
With tragedy
occurring throughout the world, children are also exposed to loss of
life many times over before they become adults. Thus it is not possible
to shield children or protect them from this reality, nor should adults
try. We have come to realize that in fact children do grieve and they
can be helped with the grieving process.
Here you
will find an excerpt of the article Children and Grief:
What They Know, How They Feel, How to Help by Robin F.
Goodman, Ph.D. You can access the full article at: http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/grief.html#related
How to help
Children
and teens can be helped with coping tasks in a variety of ways. Whereas
the particular issues and specific content discussed must be varied
and adapted to the age of the child and the situation, it is helpful
for parents and adults to:
- Tell
the truth.
The alternative—hiding information—causes children to feel confused,
unable to turn to adults for help, and mistrustful of other information.
Avoid any unnecessary information.
- Be
simple and direct. Use correct words and language. Although this may
be difficult for adults, saying someone has died is preferable to
potentially confusing euphemisms such as "he went to sleep,"
"he passed on," and "we've lost him."
- Reassure children they are not to blame.
- Model
appropriate responses. Do not hide emotions. Explain feelings as a way to
help children understand their own, but keep expression of strong,
dramatic feelings for private times with other adults.
- Encourage
the child to talk and ask questions. Find out what a child thinks and feels
and correct any misconceptions or misinformation.
- Become
attuned to and respond to the child's own pace for revealing feelings. Offer opportunities for
comfort by being available whenever the child/teen is ready or is
experiencing some strong emotion.
- Allow
and encourage expression in private ways, e.g. use of journals, art.
- Acknowledge
and affirm children's expressions. Accept and normalize their response.
- Have
more than one conversation. A child's familiarity, interest, and
questions about difficult situations change over time. Be available
and look for teachable moments or opportunities for further exploration.
- Explore
their feelings about the situation or death. Understand their
beliefs and how being confronted with death can stimulate related
personal feelings.
- Talk
to and enlist the support of other adults (such as teachers
and coaches) who are in contact with the children.
- Become
familiar with cultural and religious beliefs and practices. Being sensitive
to specific rituals and customs is important for understanding how
to respond, how to tailor comfort, what is within the realm of expected
behavior, and how to prepare and involve classmates.
- Monitor
a child's response over time and check out any concerns with a mental
health professional.
Other useful websites:
Helping Children Cope with Loss, Death and Grief.
Tips for Parents and Teacher by National Association of School Psychologists:
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/griefwar.pdf
The Dougy Center
for Grieving Children and Families: The mission of The
Dougy Center for Grieving Children is to provide
support in a safe place where children, teens and their families grieving
a death can share their experiences as they move through their grief
process. http://www.dougy.org